Hi, I’m Louise, Laurens mum.
Loz and I spoke last summer about writing this while we spent a month in Southampton hospital when she had that really bad downward turn. It was our plan to write something together but as is life we put it off so now here I am writing it alone....I’ve only been trying to put words together for the last week, if Lauren hadn’t been the most amazing, caring, loving, gentle, courageous person she was then this would have probably been easier!
Loz was such a special person who touched so many lives. She always thought of others even when she was in agonising pain she always put everyone else first. And intelligent, so intelligent, she knew and understood from such an early age that there was a good chance that her health would deteriorate and her life would be cut short. How does a child deal with knowing that you’ll probably die young?... she had to, every day. Over time as things did get worse, for so long she sheltered her friends from her pain and the heartache she felt at not being able to keep up with them all. I think she wanted to protect them, she didn’t want to burden them....again thinking of others first, not herself. It was only more recently that Lauren became more open with them about how things really were, sharing with them some of the pain, sadness and frustration she was feeling, the realisation that she needed to start preparing them, preparing them for what she knew by then really was coming. Have you ever thought what it’s like to know everyday you are dying and that it’s getting closer? Only those who are in that situation really know, we can try to understand and have empathy and us closest to Lozzy maybe felt we had some understanding of perhaps a fraction of what her body and mind were going through each day but only she knew. She had to deal with those thoughts everyday, she was so brave, so courageous and yet she never became bitter, her love and gentleness always shone through.
At Laurens funeral her dear friend Jordanna said some words from her and other dear friends of Laurens, one of the things she mentioned was that Loz once said that she admired the brilliance of the bumble bee. Not just a bumbling creature, but a remarkable one.
Science shows that those tiny wings should not be able to lift the bees large body into the air. It's a creature that defies everything that makes sense.
Lauren was like the bumble bee, never letting her small wings stop her from flying.
Lauren's Cystic Fibrosis may have prevented her from doing certain things but she never allowed it to alter the way she was, the way she wanted to be.
She never let her kindness, her goodness, her generosity change, even when her illness did. She was an unbelievable daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin and an unbelievable friend.
Lauren had a tattoo on her foot......Courage, Strength, Hope
Loz always showed great courage no matter how much pain or how low she felt, she had inner strength for herself but even more so for others, and hope, she never gave up hope making plans for her future always encouraging and giving hope to all those around her.
It was one of Laurens fears that she would be forgotten, we all have so many wonderful and varied memories of Lauren. I think that Lauren has had a special place in so many peoples hearts for such a long time and that’s the place she will stay...never forgotten, always with us all, in our hearts and our memories.
What the caterpillar perceives as the end, to the butterfly it is just the beginning.....
Where ever you are Lauren, our lovely Lozzy, everyone that was lucky enough to know you, loved you, you touched all those hearts and left a warm wonderful feeling just being close to you, we have been lucky to have you with us, albeit too brief but now wherever you are you will again be warming those hearts, caring and loving as you always were...they are the lucky ones now to have you with them.
Always with us beautiful Lauren...you will never be forgotten xx
Lauren came home to be cared for by her family in her last few weeks and passed away peacefully on Wednesday 16th February 2011
