I might be heading back to Jersey on Thursday :)
It's only back to the hospital, I'm just not strong enough for home - I'm not strong enough to get further than the loo without a wheelchair! - but at least I might be able to have a few visitors, and they can bring me foooood :D
And that's about all I have to say I'm afraid! Sorry to bore you. I've been having small amounts of feed into my RIG, (not PEG, but basically the same thing I'm told...or have I said this already?) just half a Fortisip twice a day...it's making me feel really full and bloated, but it's a start and hopefully once i'm back to normal and moving around more etc. I will be able to tolerate more and so be able to get more than a measly 300 extra calories. Im definitely still down on my weight though its hard to tell because of all the swelling and fluid retention - I'm showing as around 39kgs but I think im probably still more like 33ish...my watch nearly fell off my wrist today it's so loose. Which is a bit of a worry.
I had another lung function today which came out at 21-22% again, so no real change, which is disappointing but not really surprising. If I don't have a transplant I could possibly carry on at this level for a couple of years, and I'll be trying bloody hard! But equally things could so easily go downhill too quickly to pull back...I'm feeling quite scared for the first time. I've never been scared of dying but since I've always seen 20% lung function as a sort of cut-off point - you either get transplanted or you're on your last legs, or something like that, for some reason - maybe it's just hitting home a bit.
The docs took me off oxygen yesterday afternoon and my Sats stayed around 94% which is about reasonable, so I thought I was finally free! But during the night they dropped to the mid-eighties which is less acceptable, so it was back to sore nose and oxygen tubing, and it looks like overnight oxygen may become a permanent fixture in my life. I'll have an official overnight oxygen test at some point while I'm in Jersey hospital to decide.
So there we go, I've babbled all my health news to you. I'm sure you found it riveting ;)
But this is for me to record stuff as well so *sticks tongue out at you*
Hopefully things will keep improving. Wish me luck - I don't want the routine of mother hen having to shower me to become permanent just yet please.
PS. Thankyou mummy bear, for being here and doing everything you do. I love you.
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Hello world...
So I'm still here,
still fighting.
In as quick a summary as I can manage, here's what's happened:
Managed two weeks out of hospital. Spent a week in a morphine haze in Jersey hospital where they then decided they were so worried about the fact that I was getting worse that I needed to go to Southampton again - cue air-ambulance and more days of not remembering what even happened, who I talked to. Couldn't eat for over a week, weight had already dropped to a lovely new low of 33kgs. Started becoming more aware that I was on the ward in Southampton. Started to eat a little but all conversations with doctors revolve around my weight. Request CT scan to see what exactly is going on in those lungs, told no because I had one only 6 weeks ago. Had chest xray and doctors decide actually CT would be useful. Come back with report that "they have never seen such shocking amounts of damage in such a short space of time". Saw CT. Spent afternoon in shock at how scarred and gnarly my puffers look. Oh, and had lung function resulting in 22% best FEV1. Doctors say that they don't know why but my cepacia has just run riot and destroyed my lungs faster and more efficiently than ever before. Changed onto new antibiotics - pullin' out the big guns! Likely to be long term. Decision made to have a Peg (feeding tube) inserted into my stomach as I just cant seem to eat enough - eating until I'm stuffed plus liquid calories in Ribena is not giving me even half my required calories. Days spent in agony - chest constantly on fire and legs at their worst - pain from osteopenia plus muscles seizing up from sitting so long, plus pain from immense swolleness due to infection using up my proteins. On constant morphine drip plus top up doses and other painkillers, but can't think from the pain 95% of the time. Mum here for cuddles but causing major problems with her work. I hate the burden that I am - I can't even lift myself into bed at the moment.
Enjoy the whinge?
:) sorry.
I've got some sweet pics (unfortunately only camera-phone quality) of my drug cocktail and swollen tellytubby cankles for you to look forward to.
I'm waking up pretty much like clockwork between 4am and 5am every morning and not getting back to sleep (damn the pain) so this is a new experience for me, being on the computer before lunchtime!
Comment if you feel so inclined and update me on you (or others?!) - I'd like to know everybody's news and how everyone is health-wise...will be making my way through the blogs but there is a LOT to catch up on!
i'll leave you with another hospital webcam photo. love to all <3
still fighting.
In as quick a summary as I can manage, here's what's happened:
Managed two weeks out of hospital. Spent a week in a morphine haze in Jersey hospital where they then decided they were so worried about the fact that I was getting worse that I needed to go to Southampton again - cue air-ambulance and more days of not remembering what even happened, who I talked to. Couldn't eat for over a week, weight had already dropped to a lovely new low of 33kgs. Started becoming more aware that I was on the ward in Southampton. Started to eat a little but all conversations with doctors revolve around my weight. Request CT scan to see what exactly is going on in those lungs, told no because I had one only 6 weeks ago. Had chest xray and doctors decide actually CT would be useful. Come back with report that "they have never seen such shocking amounts of damage in such a short space of time". Saw CT. Spent afternoon in shock at how scarred and gnarly my puffers look. Oh, and had lung function resulting in 22% best FEV1. Doctors say that they don't know why but my cepacia has just run riot and destroyed my lungs faster and more efficiently than ever before. Changed onto new antibiotics - pullin' out the big guns! Likely to be long term. Decision made to have a Peg (feeding tube) inserted into my stomach as I just cant seem to eat enough - eating until I'm stuffed plus liquid calories in Ribena is not giving me even half my required calories. Days spent in agony - chest constantly on fire and legs at their worst - pain from osteopenia plus muscles seizing up from sitting so long, plus pain from immense swolleness due to infection using up my proteins. On constant morphine drip plus top up doses and other painkillers, but can't think from the pain 95% of the time. Mum here for cuddles but causing major problems with her work. I hate the burden that I am - I can't even lift myself into bed at the moment.
Enjoy the whinge?
:) sorry.
I've got some sweet pics (unfortunately only camera-phone quality) of my drug cocktail and swollen tellytubby cankles for you to look forward to.
I'm waking up pretty much like clockwork between 4am and 5am every morning and not getting back to sleep (damn the pain) so this is a new experience for me, being on the computer before lunchtime!
Comment if you feel so inclined and update me on you (or others?!) - I'd like to know everybody's news and how everyone is health-wise...will be making my way through the blogs but there is a LOT to catch up on!
i'll leave you with another hospital webcam photo. love to all <3
Friday, June 25, 2010
Scared.
Just to warn you, this wasn't written with me in a very good mindset at all. It's not exactly a skip-through-the-flowers type read.
Things are really not good.
The temperatures are back, my sats aren't improving, and every single breath is a fight at the moment. I'm swollen in my face, hands, feet, ankles, even my back if you can believe it! - it could be the prednislone but more likely my body is using up proteins faster than I can take them on, because of the infection. We just don't understand where this is coming from - I was on the up: infection being dampened down once again, CRP falling; albeit slowly, and BAM, I'm back at square one, or possibly worse.
And I'm really scared. To me, the worst feeling in the world is not being able to breathe - it's why I was so scared of the bronch, it's why I've spoken to my mum about the fact that if it can possibly be avoided I never want to be intubated - I don't want a machine breathing for me, however contradictory that may seem.
You might not know this about me, but I think about death...a lot. Like, on a daily basis, at least. Especially in recent months, since my health has become a more serious issue for me. I've had to realise that actually, I have a disease that will kill me, is killing friends and acquaintances and strangers as I speak. But I'm not scared of dying. In fact, I might even go so far as to say I'm interested! Okay, maybe that doesn't sound quite right. Maybe I want to be like Peter Pan, thinking, "To die, would be an awfully big adventure." I am however, scared shitless by what might come before. In the last weeks or days before "it" happens...how hard will it be to breathe? I have dreams about it: I'm breathing through treacle; oxygen is sucked out of me before I can use it; I'm drowning in myself. And the thought of that makes me so so afraid, so scared that I cry, for hours and hours every once in a while.
And I'm scared of what happens after.
What will my dad do, alone in his big house, with my bedroom empty, and all the "stuff" that makes up a life just sitting there useless? How will my mum cope with me not being around, or peoples sympathy?
I fucking hate this disease. I'm disgusted when I think about it. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of how CF is ravaging my body and the bodies of my friends, when it shouldnt exist at all, it's too much. Why should however many people each week or month or year die because they got unlucky in some genetic lottery, so they are sentenced to slowly drown in their own secretions?!
This is so fucked up.
Also affecting me and my mindset today is the news of another CF death, 7 year old Conner is now breathing easy, my thoughts are with all of his family and everyone who knew him. Reading his mother's blog has been especially raw for me in the last few days when I have been struggling so much myself, although of course nothing compared to what Conner has been going through, I just thank her for her honesty and openness. I think she is a very brave woman.
No matter what happens I will always be grateful that I have been allowed time to grow and experience some of what the world has to offer, I have become an adult. No-one should have that oppurtunity taken from them like Conner did, and I'm ashamed to say that I might not have remembered this if it weren't for Sarah's blog.
It's a rough read but if anyone wants to take a look - http://notsobrightandshiny.blogspot.com/
I'm sorry for the depressing subject matter. Trust me, this doesn't even scratch the surface of my thoughts at the moment, some of them are too scary to let out into the world until I can control them myself.
Things are really not good.
The temperatures are back, my sats aren't improving, and every single breath is a fight at the moment. I'm swollen in my face, hands, feet, ankles, even my back if you can believe it! - it could be the prednislone but more likely my body is using up proteins faster than I can take them on, because of the infection. We just don't understand where this is coming from - I was on the up: infection being dampened down once again, CRP falling; albeit slowly, and BAM, I'm back at square one, or possibly worse.
And I'm really scared. To me, the worst feeling in the world is not being able to breathe - it's why I was so scared of the bronch, it's why I've spoken to my mum about the fact that if it can possibly be avoided I never want to be intubated - I don't want a machine breathing for me, however contradictory that may seem.
You might not know this about me, but I think about death...a lot. Like, on a daily basis, at least. Especially in recent months, since my health has become a more serious issue for me. I've had to realise that actually, I have a disease that will kill me, is killing friends and acquaintances and strangers as I speak. But I'm not scared of dying. In fact, I might even go so far as to say I'm interested! Okay, maybe that doesn't sound quite right. Maybe I want to be like Peter Pan, thinking, "To die, would be an awfully big adventure." I am however, scared shitless by what might come before. In the last weeks or days before "it" happens...how hard will it be to breathe? I have dreams about it: I'm breathing through treacle; oxygen is sucked out of me before I can use it; I'm drowning in myself. And the thought of that makes me so so afraid, so scared that I cry, for hours and hours every once in a while.
And I'm scared of what happens after.
What will my dad do, alone in his big house, with my bedroom empty, and all the "stuff" that makes up a life just sitting there useless? How will my mum cope with me not being around, or peoples sympathy?
I fucking hate this disease. I'm disgusted when I think about it. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of how CF is ravaging my body and the bodies of my friends, when it shouldnt exist at all, it's too much. Why should however many people each week or month or year die because they got unlucky in some genetic lottery, so they are sentenced to slowly drown in their own secretions?!
This is so fucked up.
Also affecting me and my mindset today is the news of another CF death, 7 year old Conner is now breathing easy, my thoughts are with all of his family and everyone who knew him. Reading his mother's blog has been especially raw for me in the last few days when I have been struggling so much myself, although of course nothing compared to what Conner has been going through, I just thank her for her honesty and openness. I think she is a very brave woman.
No matter what happens I will always be grateful that I have been allowed time to grow and experience some of what the world has to offer, I have become an adult. No-one should have that oppurtunity taken from them like Conner did, and I'm ashamed to say that I might not have remembered this if it weren't for Sarah's blog.
It's a rough read but if anyone wants to take a look - http://notsobrightandshiny.blogspot.com/
I'm sorry for the depressing subject matter. Trust me, this doesn't even scratch the surface of my thoughts at the moment, some of them are too scary to let out into the world until I can control them myself.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Winning Streak?!
Well, first of all, this blog is a day late as internet was temperamental yesterday! I just wanted to mention my dad first. We have definitely had our ups and downs in life, but as i grow older he has become a unique figure in my life who supports and encourages me in everything that matters, and knows exactly how to be with me. I love that we can sit and do our own things buit still be together. I love you dad.
Also, my old and loyal friend India (sometimes referred to on here as Indie or Beau) - I always have an angel out there watching out for you, and especially on this day, I hope you know that, or at least remember it from now on. Love you, gorgeous xx
Onto this winning streak business!
Something so lovely happened yesterday :)
My dad flew over from Jersey to Southampton to keep me company in the hospital again for a few days. Because I had come over unexpectedly on the air-ambulance I had literally only a carrier bag of things with me that Paul (mother hen's other half, who is also very special and good to me by the way, <3...) had hurriedly thrown together, so Dad put together a little suitcase with some clean pjs and pants etc, so I can at least feel clean-ish and a little more human! He also brought post. eeep, yay! The first package to be opened was the one that Laura sent with the Lonelies beads I won. I knew what was in there but I was honestly so excited to open it, and I was not at all disappointed! The beads are all beautiful and perfect. They are a lot smaller (think, half the size) than i have always imagined her beads to be but that just added to the amazement at how delicate and detailed they are. Once again, thank you so much! And I will definitely be forwarding the love onward with a giveaway of something I make using some of the beads, though as I said previously, it may be a little while.
A second, MYSTERIOUS package was also there. With a sticker on the back showing the logo for the site Ollie and Nic. This was very curious indeed as though I have lusted over certain items on this site of cute-nosity, I have not yet placed an order. However, on opening the packet, all was revealed and became clear! A gorgeous handwritten notecard inside informed me that they liked my answer to a competition (i entered around 6 weeks ago to win a huge haul of makeup, mostly Benefit brand which i love) so much that I had been chosen as one of 8 runners-up! I had had to finish a sentence, and actually have a copy of the confirmation email so I can tell you all that my answer went: ONE BIT OF MAKE UP I CAN'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IS..."a really rich, smudgy eyeliner! Blacker than black in colour. You can create simple looks by just defining your eyes, making you look put together, or go sexy and sultry with dramatic smoky eyes. Plus if youre really stuck for a laugh it can also be used to create several styles of fake moustache to great effect! ;)"
So I'm guessing my strange brand of humour worked to my advantage here! Like I said, I didn't actually win the £170 worth of Benefit goodies, but the little leather keyring they sent was really lovely, and the fact that it was a surprise, they hadnt emailed to let me know or anything, really gave me something to smile about. I was so genuinely happy. And I just CAN NOT believe that after two years of entering every competition I see I have suddenly won two prizes in two weeks! I can't keep myself from exclaiming this out loud, I think father is getting rather bored of the same old tune, but I cant help it! I am like an excited child :)
So thanks also to the Ollie & Nic company!
*Photos to come when I get home to my precious camera. Yay!*
Question: Is it greedy to keep entering competitions when I see them now that I have won two prizes??
Health-wise, yet again I have more grumbles, it seems that every time I squint and manage to see getting HOME in the distance, whatever is out there realises and throws some other obstacle at me. I'm doing my best to keep climbing over them, but in all honestly, I don't want to be having to fight for every little thing for much longer! Yes yes, it's all about the climb, life's hard, etc etc... it just seems that most people squeeze in a break every now and then where they get to have things go smoothly, at least a little?! Don't get me wrong, I don't expect health and happiness to be handed to me on a plate: first off, I'm not that naive! But... it would just be nice if the pressure could lift, just slightly, just for a little while. For now I'll keep plodding on though I s'pose! :)
Technical-ish-ly, things seem to have in fact worsened rather than seeing improvements with my chest after the bronchoscopy on Friday - the temperature spikes continued but the doctors were not too surprised by that, seeing as they had probably stirred up all kinds of garbage in there. However once those had died down, they are more surprised to see that my sats are dropping ever lower, currently sitting around 82-84% when resting, and worse when expending energy or sleeping... and anyone who knows about me sats-wise will know that even when Im really poorly there have only been 2 or maybe 3 occasions where my sats dropped below 96-99%, and that was quickly rectified by 2 or 3 days of IVs tops. I'm now on day 13 (I think) of IVs and they are showing no signs of taking me off them any time soon. This morning I was started on a bunch of extra nebs, including one which I think is salbutamol which makes me trembly for hours, I hate it because I feel weakened, but if it's going to help by opening my airways then I have accepted taking it short term, they have also put me onto steroids. I'm not sure if it's that I'm tired but I can't even think how they help right now, can any of my CF friends advise on that? Ta.
I'm still a while from getting home I think, so mendy vibes would be appreciated please!-- as long as you cant think of anyone who needs them more urgently of course :)
I am however going crazy just sitting here on my oxygen and reading magazines alllll day, keeping fingers crossed that I might be allowed out very quickly tomorrow, and if I am then I am getting a taxi to HobbyCraft! I have never been to one but I am imagning it as seriously amazing, and the plan is to stock up on as big a variety of crafty bits as I can before dad leaves (tomorrow evening i think) to keep me busy afterwards. Oooh, does anyone know Southampton well enough to suggest any other good crafty places? Thanksss youuu
I'll end my babble here. Darnnn, it went past midnight, that makes me two days late! awwhh welll.
Much love xx
because i don't like to go too long without a photo. and because it's a damn cute kitty. and because i actually laugh at these moustache tatts :)
Also, my old and loyal friend India (sometimes referred to on here as Indie or Beau) - I always have an angel out there watching out for you, and especially on this day, I hope you know that, or at least remember it from now on. Love you, gorgeous xx
Onto this winning streak business!
Something so lovely happened yesterday :)
My dad flew over from Jersey to Southampton to keep me company in the hospital again for a few days. Because I had come over unexpectedly on the air-ambulance I had literally only a carrier bag of things with me that Paul (mother hen's other half, who is also very special and good to me by the way, <3...) had hurriedly thrown together, so Dad put together a little suitcase with some clean pjs and pants etc, so I can at least feel clean-ish and a little more human! He also brought post. eeep, yay! The first package to be opened was the one that Laura sent with the Lonelies beads I won. I knew what was in there but I was honestly so excited to open it, and I was not at all disappointed! The beads are all beautiful and perfect. They are a lot smaller (think, half the size) than i have always imagined her beads to be but that just added to the amazement at how delicate and detailed they are. Once again, thank you so much! And I will definitely be forwarding the love onward with a giveaway of something I make using some of the beads, though as I said previously, it may be a little while.
A second, MYSTERIOUS package was also there. With a sticker on the back showing the logo for the site Ollie and Nic. This was very curious indeed as though I have lusted over certain items on this site of cute-nosity, I have not yet placed an order. However, on opening the packet, all was revealed and became clear! A gorgeous handwritten notecard inside informed me that they liked my answer to a competition (i entered around 6 weeks ago to win a huge haul of makeup, mostly Benefit brand which i love) so much that I had been chosen as one of 8 runners-up! I had had to finish a sentence, and actually have a copy of the confirmation email so I can tell you all that my answer went: ONE BIT OF MAKE UP I CAN'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IS..."a really rich, smudgy eyeliner! Blacker than black in colour. You can create simple looks by just defining your eyes, making you look put together, or go sexy and sultry with dramatic smoky eyes. Plus if youre really stuck for a laugh it can also be used to create several styles of fake moustache to great effect! ;)"
So I'm guessing my strange brand of humour worked to my advantage here! Like I said, I didn't actually win the £170 worth of Benefit goodies, but the little leather keyring they sent was really lovely, and the fact that it was a surprise, they hadnt emailed to let me know or anything, really gave me something to smile about. I was so genuinely happy. And I just CAN NOT believe that after two years of entering every competition I see I have suddenly won two prizes in two weeks! I can't keep myself from exclaiming this out loud, I think father is getting rather bored of the same old tune, but I cant help it! I am like an excited child :)
So thanks also to the Ollie & Nic company!
*Photos to come when I get home to my precious camera. Yay!*
Question: Is it greedy to keep entering competitions when I see them now that I have won two prizes??
Health-wise, yet again I have more grumbles, it seems that every time I squint and manage to see getting HOME in the distance, whatever is out there realises and throws some other obstacle at me. I'm doing my best to keep climbing over them, but in all honestly, I don't want to be having to fight for every little thing for much longer! Yes yes, it's all about the climb, life's hard, etc etc... it just seems that most people squeeze in a break every now and then where they get to have things go smoothly, at least a little?! Don't get me wrong, I don't expect health and happiness to be handed to me on a plate: first off, I'm not that naive! But... it would just be nice if the pressure could lift, just slightly, just for a little while. For now I'll keep plodding on though I s'pose! :)
Technical-ish-ly, things seem to have in fact worsened rather than seeing improvements with my chest after the bronchoscopy on Friday - the temperature spikes continued but the doctors were not too surprised by that, seeing as they had probably stirred up all kinds of garbage in there. However once those had died down, they are more surprised to see that my sats are dropping ever lower, currently sitting around 82-84% when resting, and worse when expending energy or sleeping... and anyone who knows about me sats-wise will know that even when Im really poorly there have only been 2 or maybe 3 occasions where my sats dropped below 96-99%, and that was quickly rectified by 2 or 3 days of IVs tops. I'm now on day 13 (I think) of IVs and they are showing no signs of taking me off them any time soon. This morning I was started on a bunch of extra nebs, including one which I think is salbutamol which makes me trembly for hours, I hate it because I feel weakened, but if it's going to help by opening my airways then I have accepted taking it short term, they have also put me onto steroids. I'm not sure if it's that I'm tired but I can't even think how they help right now, can any of my CF friends advise on that? Ta.
I'm still a while from getting home I think, so mendy vibes would be appreciated please!-- as long as you cant think of anyone who needs them more urgently of course :)
I am however going crazy just sitting here on my oxygen and reading magazines alllll day, keeping fingers crossed that I might be allowed out very quickly tomorrow, and if I am then I am getting a taxi to HobbyCraft! I have never been to one but I am imagning it as seriously amazing, and the plan is to stock up on as big a variety of crafty bits as I can before dad leaves (tomorrow evening i think) to keep me busy afterwards. Oooh, does anyone know Southampton well enough to suggest any other good crafty places? Thanksss youuu
I'll end my babble here. Darnnn, it went past midnight, that makes me two days late! awwhh welll.
Much love xx
because i don't like to go too long without a photo. and because it's a damn cute kitty. and because i actually laugh at these moustache tatts :)
Friday, June 18, 2010
Owly.
This morning I received a teeny tissue paper packet with a bow around it from my fantastic friend Tiffany. Inside was a silver chain holding a little silver owl pendant - he has made my day. Very cute indeed, he even has a little twig perch - photos when I'm home.
I also got a little packet of loving from India which gave me a smile! (Though it had got wet so some of the words you wrote were gone, Beau! deary me...) So thank you both so so much XX
Also I forgot to mention, with the beads that I won from Laura I will definitely make something to give away on the blog, pass on the love etc etc.
Like I said, it could be a while but keep your eyes peeled! :)
Today I woke up feeling a lot brighter and even planned to go out for a walk to Sainsbury's (with mum pushing me in a wheelchair still, it's about 3/4 of a mile away and I wouldn't even be able to walk that when I'm at my best to be honest)... But I wanted to get clean and have a shower first, for some reason my shower set off some sort of chain reaction of getting a temperature of over 104, desaturating fast, shivering, and becoming very drowsy... The doctors looked me over and also noticed that I have quite a bit of swelling in my feet, face, legs and torso. We don't know what happened but IV Paracetamols and oxygen for a few hours sorted me out a little bit, though I never did get to go out. Also they did another xray of my chest because they couldn't hear breathing sounds in one area, so were querying a collapse, and they did a bladder scan to check for something else, I think to do with the swelling. They didn't talk to me after that but didn't seem to be worried at the result so fingers crossed that's the end of that!
Looks like I'll be having a bronch tomorrow so please wish me luck because I am very scared.
Hope everyone else is doing better than me!
xx
I also got a little packet of loving from India which gave me a smile! (Though it had got wet so some of the words you wrote were gone, Beau! deary me...) So thank you both so so much XX
Also I forgot to mention, with the beads that I won from Laura I will definitely make something to give away on the blog, pass on the love etc etc.
Like I said, it could be a while but keep your eyes peeled! :)
Today I woke up feeling a lot brighter and even planned to go out for a walk to Sainsbury's (with mum pushing me in a wheelchair still, it's about 3/4 of a mile away and I wouldn't even be able to walk that when I'm at my best to be honest)... But I wanted to get clean and have a shower first, for some reason my shower set off some sort of chain reaction of getting a temperature of over 104, desaturating fast, shivering, and becoming very drowsy... The doctors looked me over and also noticed that I have quite a bit of swelling in my feet, face, legs and torso. We don't know what happened but IV Paracetamols and oxygen for a few hours sorted me out a little bit, though I never did get to go out. Also they did another xray of my chest because they couldn't hear breathing sounds in one area, so were querying a collapse, and they did a bladder scan to check for something else, I think to do with the swelling. They didn't talk to me after that but didn't seem to be worried at the result so fingers crossed that's the end of that!
Looks like I'll be having a bronch tomorrow so please wish me luck because I am very scared.
Hope everyone else is doing better than me!
xx
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
I'm Alive
...Just.
Only a quick health update here so prepare for something that does not excite- have been informed that a couple of you were wondering what had happened to me so I pretty much just want to reassure that I am still around! Though again, I'm quite ill.
Portugal continued as it started - it was nice weather but I wasn't really well enough to fully enjoy the trip, mainly problems with breathing continuing. On the last night I was getting pain back in the top of my right lung again, where the trouble was a couple of weeks before, I was really worried about he flight back but it didnt worsen on the flight. I also got stomach pains that just didn't let up.
I got home late on the Sunday night, but was in A and E by 5.30am with these stomach pains as well as vomiting and of course the pain in my lung. After a couple of days in Jersey hospital I was taken by air ambulance to S/Hampton hospital again and ended up being diagnosed with DIOS but also a cavity-causing pneumonia, which is obviously what has been hanging around and making the past few weeks hell for me! And why I didnt feel better after the IVs. Then after a bronchoscopy scheduled for Friday afternoon, it was called off at the last minute (and I mean, seriously last-minute, I was practically being wheeled into the room!) because my blood clotting levels were completely out-of-whack and if they had knocked anything in there we could have been left with a very dangerous bleeding situation. I'm now having a lot of tests on liver function which they aren't too pleased with, as well as high doses of Vitamin K, along with trying to deal with the immense amount of pain that this pneumonia/cavity is causing to my chest, hoping to be well enough for a bronch on Friday. Oh, and I'm also on Fluclox, Mero and Tobramycin for !however long it takes" - let's hope it's not too long as they are messing me up!
I will be back when I can but for now thanks for thinking of me XX
Only a quick health update here so prepare for something that does not excite- have been informed that a couple of you were wondering what had happened to me so I pretty much just want to reassure that I am still around! Though again, I'm quite ill.
Portugal continued as it started - it was nice weather but I wasn't really well enough to fully enjoy the trip, mainly problems with breathing continuing. On the last night I was getting pain back in the top of my right lung again, where the trouble was a couple of weeks before, I was really worried about he flight back but it didnt worsen on the flight. I also got stomach pains that just didn't let up.
I got home late on the Sunday night, but was in A and E by 5.30am with these stomach pains as well as vomiting and of course the pain in my lung. After a couple of days in Jersey hospital I was taken by air ambulance to S/Hampton hospital again and ended up being diagnosed with DIOS but also a cavity-causing pneumonia, which is obviously what has been hanging around and making the past few weeks hell for me! And why I didnt feel better after the IVs. Then after a bronchoscopy scheduled for Friday afternoon, it was called off at the last minute (and I mean, seriously last-minute, I was practically being wheeled into the room!) because my blood clotting levels were completely out-of-whack and if they had knocked anything in there we could have been left with a very dangerous bleeding situation. I'm now having a lot of tests on liver function which they aren't too pleased with, as well as high doses of Vitamin K, along with trying to deal with the immense amount of pain that this pneumonia/cavity is causing to my chest, hoping to be well enough for a bronch on Friday. Oh, and I'm also on Fluclox, Mero and Tobramycin for !however long it takes" - let's hope it's not too long as they are messing me up!
I will be back when I can but for now thanks for thinking of me XX
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Flat.
That's just one word to describe how I'm feeling right now.
I'm tired of being tired. And tired of not being able to walk from one room to another without a rest to get my breath back, and tired of my whole body hurting the whole time, and tired of the effort I have to make to do the things that my friends don't even think about, let alone actually have fun or achieve things.
I can't breathe or move or think
I just want a 10 minute break
10 minutes to sit without having to concentrate on breathing, or 10 minutes to shower without it leaving me so tired I can't get dry or dressed.
...would be nice.
I'm tired of being tired. And tired of not being able to walk from one room to another without a rest to get my breath back, and tired of my whole body hurting the whole time, and tired of the effort I have to make to do the things that my friends don't even think about, let alone actually have fun or achieve things.
I can't breathe or move or think
I just want a 10 minute break
10 minutes to sit without having to concentrate on breathing, or 10 minutes to shower without it leaving me so tired I can't get dry or dressed.
...would be nice.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Excitement, then Disappointment, Worries and Decisions!
Well, first of all, wahoo for 20 followers!
Sadly yes, I am excited by this. Especially since Laura Sparling was my number 20 and looking at her beads and blog makes me drool :)
But. I need some advice, please, my head is all twirly.
Situation: I'm not well. I've broken out of the hospital wayy too early because I'm meant to be off to Portugal for ten days starting today (Thursday) lunchtime. I realised this afternoon that I don't have any frickin travel insurance any more. Spent 5 hours on phone and internet and found only two companies who will cover me now that I'm so much more ill than 3 years ago when I last needed it, for £520 or £770 for the 10-day trip, even using a list of specialist companies that I got from the hospital and from the CF boards. The holiday is already shaping up to be very stressful for me for certain reasons, this is adding even more to it! My mum says she wont take me if I dont buy the travel insurance, saying that she will be hugely disappointed in me if I choose not to go, because I have the money saved: Cue, slagging off to the whole family if I dont go. Thing is it's a huge chunk of my savings, which I actually have plans for, yes maybe my mum doesnt think I'll ever do the things I want to but I have to have something to hope for!!
I really don't konow whether just to pay for it and go along, or to refuse and let everyone down. Saying that it seems obvious that I should just do it. But I know my dad won't be happy at all, and I won't exactly feel thrilled...
Argh there's just so much stuff I can't even explain. I'm stuck.
Sadly yes, I am excited by this. Especially since Laura Sparling was my number 20 and looking at her beads and blog makes me drool :)
But. I need some advice, please, my head is all twirly.
Situation: I'm not well. I've broken out of the hospital wayy too early because I'm meant to be off to Portugal for ten days starting today (Thursday) lunchtime. I realised this afternoon that I don't have any frickin travel insurance any more. Spent 5 hours on phone and internet and found only two companies who will cover me now that I'm so much more ill than 3 years ago when I last needed it, for £520 or £770 for the 10-day trip, even using a list of specialist companies that I got from the hospital and from the CF boards. The holiday is already shaping up to be very stressful for me for certain reasons, this is adding even more to it! My mum says she wont take me if I dont buy the travel insurance, saying that she will be hugely disappointed in me if I choose not to go, because I have the money saved: Cue, slagging off to the whole family if I dont go. Thing is it's a huge chunk of my savings, which I actually have plans for, yes maybe my mum doesnt think I'll ever do the things I want to but I have to have something to hope for!!
I really don't konow whether just to pay for it and go along, or to refuse and let everyone down. Saying that it seems obvious that I should just do it. But I know my dad won't be happy at all, and I won't exactly feel thrilled...
Argh there's just so much stuff I can't even explain. I'm stuck.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Oh Deary Me.
I'm pretty sick. Back in the hospital already.
More on that later though, for now, I'm seriously worried... I've been watching Glee on the laptop. And I think I have a Gleek inside me wanting to break out and sing along.
Help.
Err, Yes Please??
More on that later though, for now, I'm seriously worried... I've been watching Glee on the laptop. And I think I have a Gleek inside me wanting to break out and sing along.
Help.
Err, Yes Please??
Friday, May 14, 2010
Making an Effort
So I think I'm just going to write about what's been happening in the hospital, more for myself really than anything so that I can refer to it next time and remember what caused which side effects! But also just to try to get all my complaints out for a while.
SO I came into hospital on Wednesday 5th, and was put straight onto Meropenem 3 times a day and Tobramycin twice a day. This was followed by the usual general exhaustion and nausea that I expect from IVs, but on Friday they added in Co-trimoxazole 4 times a day and things really went downhill... Crazy sickness and eating or even drinking water became an impossibility, by Saturday evening I decided to refuse the Co-trimoxazole and went back to just Mero and Tobra.
On seeing the docs on Monday they decided to switch the Tobramycin for Colistin IV since there was no real improvements happening, assuming I would be fine with it because I can tolerate it nebulised... wrong again! Tuesday I woke up so low on energy I couldnt talk or move, was flat on my back all day and it didn't help that that was the day my dad went back to Jersey aswell, so I was left all alone in that state! Everything felt heavy and broken, was finding it hard to breathe like someone was sitting on my chest and squishing my ribs, so Tuesday afternoon was taken off the Colo and left with just Meropenem... fine by me as I'd become used to the effects by then, though a worry that they originally wanted me on 3 antibiotics to have the best chance of fighting my Cepacia, and I was left with only one.
And well now, here we are, Friday afternoon. I think I have just about got back to the level of how I felt on my first day here! haha. Talked to the doctor this morning and he said rather than start me on the only other drug they can think of, Amikacin, (Tazocin, Gentamicin and Ceftaz are out due to allergies) and me have to stay another whole 14 days, they will just leave me on the Mero alone for 3 more days. To me it sounds overly-optimistic to think I could be well enough to go home in 3 days but we'll see, fingers crossed! I'm telling you now though, there's no way I'll be going without a fight if they try to send me home and I'm not feeling any better, no way I'm going to have lasted this out for nothing!
I'm sick, in agony, bored, lonely, tired, dirty, frustrated and hungry, but hopefully it will be for a reason.
And now the whinge is over. I will be making a real effort over the next few days to be POSITIVE!! Which if you know me is a bloody hard task. I am probably the most negative, pessimistic person you could find. Depression loves me.
But: I have been talking with my lovely friend Jordanna, and we are hoping to put some plans into action over the summer to do some fundraising - it is something we both want to do, will make us feel good and get another thing crossed off my list :)
I have also spoken to my friend Ollie who is super special to me and we hope to go on a hot air balloon ride over the summer, another list thing; and also hoping to go on a couple of travels with people - health (and money!) permitting of course.
I really want to actually get these plans into action and DO some things rather than just dream and talk though. Back in January when I was really poorly and the doctors were telling me I had maybe only two years left in this world unless I got a transplant, my dad and I made lots of grand plans and had big ideas, but none of them ever really got off the ground. Now its 4/5 months later and some of the things on my list are crossed off but I really want to create some experiences and memories with other people as well as the things so far which have been mostly more perosnal "achievements", if you could even call them that, like getting my piercing and tattoo etc.
I want the second half of 2010 to be different. I don't want to be looking back at the end of the year, as I did in December 2009, and be so thoroughly disappointed in myself and feel that I've wasted some of my precious time, what could theoretically be half of my time left altogether. You just never know what's going to happen. In the last six months-year we have lost so many CFers and I'm realising now that most of them weren't expecting to go... it just took one quick unexpected infection, one course of drugs that didnt help like they usually did, or a call that never came and then BAM, things were over.
It's not cancer, we aren't going to get told, "OK, you have 3 months to live, go out and enjoy it well". We need to live every day as if it is our last because it really could be, this is true of anyone ofcourse but even more so with CF... I just need to keep that in mind as much as possible, and hope you guys will too! We have been dealt a shitty hand but it could definitely be worse, and our lives are too short and prcious to be spending time miserable or doing pointless things that make us unhappy.
Ok, well that got maybe slightly depressing but I meant it to be positive, I promise!
On a happier note, I think my dad is coming over tonight, I will have company and we will hopefully go out for some nice food. I need to get clean though!
Also I am so so grateful to those of my friends who have sent me things in the post which arrived today - Jordanna sent a book, Alice in Wonderland so that I can read it as it's on my list, Tiff sent me a lovely letter with some photos and a little "Happiness Kit" which I will post more about later! And Annie sent a cute card with some little teeny toy animals (she works in a toy shop hehe). Along with the card Megs sent me earlier in the week, these simple things have brought some sunshine to my stay, it's nice to know that when you're feeling so low and forgotten that people really are thinking of you and will make the effort to let you know.
Ok, I think I've probably bored the socks off you now so well done if you are not snoring with your head on the keyboard! Bath time for me now. So much love to you all and I hope you are well and happy xx
SO I came into hospital on Wednesday 5th, and was put straight onto Meropenem 3 times a day and Tobramycin twice a day. This was followed by the usual general exhaustion and nausea that I expect from IVs, but on Friday they added in Co-trimoxazole 4 times a day and things really went downhill... Crazy sickness and eating or even drinking water became an impossibility, by Saturday evening I decided to refuse the Co-trimoxazole and went back to just Mero and Tobra.
On seeing the docs on Monday they decided to switch the Tobramycin for Colistin IV since there was no real improvements happening, assuming I would be fine with it because I can tolerate it nebulised... wrong again! Tuesday I woke up so low on energy I couldnt talk or move, was flat on my back all day and it didn't help that that was the day my dad went back to Jersey aswell, so I was left all alone in that state! Everything felt heavy and broken, was finding it hard to breathe like someone was sitting on my chest and squishing my ribs, so Tuesday afternoon was taken off the Colo and left with just Meropenem... fine by me as I'd become used to the effects by then, though a worry that they originally wanted me on 3 antibiotics to have the best chance of fighting my Cepacia, and I was left with only one.
And well now, here we are, Friday afternoon. I think I have just about got back to the level of how I felt on my first day here! haha. Talked to the doctor this morning and he said rather than start me on the only other drug they can think of, Amikacin, (Tazocin, Gentamicin and Ceftaz are out due to allergies) and me have to stay another whole 14 days, they will just leave me on the Mero alone for 3 more days. To me it sounds overly-optimistic to think I could be well enough to go home in 3 days but we'll see, fingers crossed! I'm telling you now though, there's no way I'll be going without a fight if they try to send me home and I'm not feeling any better, no way I'm going to have lasted this out for nothing!
I'm sick, in agony, bored, lonely, tired, dirty, frustrated and hungry, but hopefully it will be for a reason.
And now the whinge is over. I will be making a real effort over the next few days to be POSITIVE!! Which if you know me is a bloody hard task. I am probably the most negative, pessimistic person you could find. Depression loves me.
But: I have been talking with my lovely friend Jordanna, and we are hoping to put some plans into action over the summer to do some fundraising - it is something we both want to do, will make us feel good and get another thing crossed off my list :)
I have also spoken to my friend Ollie who is super special to me and we hope to go on a hot air balloon ride over the summer, another list thing; and also hoping to go on a couple of travels with people - health (and money!) permitting of course.
I really want to actually get these plans into action and DO some things rather than just dream and talk though. Back in January when I was really poorly and the doctors were telling me I had maybe only two years left in this world unless I got a transplant, my dad and I made lots of grand plans and had big ideas, but none of them ever really got off the ground. Now its 4/5 months later and some of the things on my list are crossed off but I really want to create some experiences and memories with other people as well as the things so far which have been mostly more perosnal "achievements", if you could even call them that, like getting my piercing and tattoo etc.
I want the second half of 2010 to be different. I don't want to be looking back at the end of the year, as I did in December 2009, and be so thoroughly disappointed in myself and feel that I've wasted some of my precious time, what could theoretically be half of my time left altogether. You just never know what's going to happen. In the last six months-year we have lost so many CFers and I'm realising now that most of them weren't expecting to go... it just took one quick unexpected infection, one course of drugs that didnt help like they usually did, or a call that never came and then BAM, things were over.
It's not cancer, we aren't going to get told, "OK, you have 3 months to live, go out and enjoy it well". We need to live every day as if it is our last because it really could be, this is true of anyone ofcourse but even more so with CF... I just need to keep that in mind as much as possible, and hope you guys will too! We have been dealt a shitty hand but it could definitely be worse, and our lives are too short and prcious to be spending time miserable or doing pointless things that make us unhappy.
Ok, well that got maybe slightly depressing but I meant it to be positive, I promise!
On a happier note, I think my dad is coming over tonight, I will have company and we will hopefully go out for some nice food. I need to get clean though!
Also I am so so grateful to those of my friends who have sent me things in the post which arrived today - Jordanna sent a book, Alice in Wonderland so that I can read it as it's on my list, Tiff sent me a lovely letter with some photos and a little "Happiness Kit" which I will post more about later! And Annie sent a cute card with some little teeny toy animals (she works in a toy shop hehe). Along with the card Megs sent me earlier in the week, these simple things have brought some sunshine to my stay, it's nice to know that when you're feeling so low and forgotten that people really are thinking of you and will make the effort to let you know.
Ok, I think I've probably bored the socks off you now so well done if you are not snoring with your head on the keyboard! Bath time for me now. So much love to you all and I hope you are well and happy xx
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Worth It?
The days are passing in a haze of pain and sleeplessness
I've felt worse with the drugs for longer than usual
I detest this place
The sterile smells and lonely room.
I feel like maybe all this isn't worth it. I want to stop.
I wonder what it would be like to just let nature take its course, leave all the chemicals and treatments and exhaustion of having to try so damn hard every day.
I wonder how long I would last?
and then I feel guilty.
SO so guilty.
So many of us are fighting to survive, wishing and praying on new lungs and a new life, and here I am wanting to give up and give in.
I dont think I really deserve much of this help, the money spent on my treatments, medicines, nurses, doctors, room and food.
Im just wasting the oxygen around me. Breathing it in, and using it up when others of you deserve it so much more, WANT it so much more... Im so sorry :S
I've felt worse with the drugs for longer than usual
I detest this place
The sterile smells and lonely room.
I feel like maybe all this isn't worth it. I want to stop.
I wonder what it would be like to just let nature take its course, leave all the chemicals and treatments and exhaustion of having to try so damn hard every day.
I wonder how long I would last?
and then I feel guilty.
SO so guilty.
So many of us are fighting to survive, wishing and praying on new lungs and a new life, and here I am wanting to give up and give in.
I dont think I really deserve much of this help, the money spent on my treatments, medicines, nurses, doctors, room and food.
Im just wasting the oxygen around me. Breathing it in, and using it up when others of you deserve it so much more, WANT it so much more... Im so sorry :S
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Exhausted
This tiredness is taking over.
I went into town today to get a foot scrubber thingy since my tattoo is tomorrow and I dont want to have manky feet! Wasn't out for long at all and didnt exactly walk far but after having to stand on the bus home and then walk from the bus stop, I was in tears from tiredness by the time I got home. Couldnt breathe or think or move. After what should have been a FIVE FUCKING MINUTE WALK - took me almost 25 minutes by the way. My head is pounding and it feels like a giant is squishing me round the chest. But I don't want to go into hospital, it sounds stupid and i know it's needed... but i really feel i'd rather just get more ill than go in, be alone and have no visitors or food, have to do sodding physio in front of people, have everyone talk to me as if I'm 10 years old...
and i dont trust the nurses at all they only wear gloves probably half the time and ive lost count of the number of occasions I've been given the wrong drugs or wrong doses! I could do better myself if the freakin drugs didnt make me sleep 20 hours a day leaving me unable to actually get up every 6 hours and mix and administer the bastards.
Not really sure what to do?
Sorry for another moany post.
Here's some pictures of what i got today - dress on sale in Oasis £9.00 down from £35, which I've wanted for ages!
It's a bit boring and straight up-and-down when on (except for the extremely obvious belly bloat, eugh) so im gonna try and change it up a bit, somehow.
And I got given such a pretty bag :)
(sitting on my pretty bed. i love my bedroom at dads <3 yay)
And also spent some of my makeup voucher from Xmas, the cream eyeshadow is a lot darker than the photo, like a dusky/bronzey pink, i love it! and that there is a gold eyeliner. Usually my makeup routine consists of moisturiser, lip balm and lots of eyeliner but Ive been getting really into doing different stuff with it recently!
Hope all of you are well... Much love xx
I went into town today to get a foot scrubber thingy since my tattoo is tomorrow and I dont want to have manky feet! Wasn't out for long at all and didnt exactly walk far but after having to stand on the bus home and then walk from the bus stop, I was in tears from tiredness by the time I got home. Couldnt breathe or think or move. After what should have been a FIVE FUCKING MINUTE WALK - took me almost 25 minutes by the way. My head is pounding and it feels like a giant is squishing me round the chest. But I don't want to go into hospital, it sounds stupid and i know it's needed... but i really feel i'd rather just get more ill than go in, be alone and have no visitors or food, have to do sodding physio in front of people, have everyone talk to me as if I'm 10 years old...
and i dont trust the nurses at all they only wear gloves probably half the time and ive lost count of the number of occasions I've been given the wrong drugs or wrong doses! I could do better myself if the freakin drugs didnt make me sleep 20 hours a day leaving me unable to actually get up every 6 hours and mix and administer the bastards.
Not really sure what to do?
Sorry for another moany post.
Here's some pictures of what i got today - dress on sale in Oasis £9.00 down from £35, which I've wanted for ages!
It's a bit boring and straight up-and-down when on (except for the extremely obvious belly bloat, eugh) so im gonna try and change it up a bit, somehow.
And I got given such a pretty bag :)
(sitting on my pretty bed. i love my bedroom at dads <3 yay)
And also spent some of my makeup voucher from Xmas, the cream eyeshadow is a lot darker than the photo, like a dusky/bronzey pink, i love it! and that there is a gold eyeliner. Usually my makeup routine consists of moisturiser, lip balm and lots of eyeliner but Ive been getting really into doing different stuff with it recently!
Hope all of you are well... Much love xx
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Going slightly bonkers?
(well i would be worried but im pretty sure i'm a confirmed nutcase!)
DREAMS
shit
I am really fighting a losing battle here!
The past week or so I have been having the most realistic and lucid dreams - i can tell i'm dreaming, though i cant wake myself up...
A lot of the time when i do wake up I'm bricking it 'cos they can be really scary though!
But the problem is that they are so real it feels like I'm not getting any sleep at all, I'm so tired but I'm scared to go to sleep because I dont want to dream!
I've tried all the usual advice, sleep routines, warm baths, relaxations etc, but does anyone have any suggestion as to how I can sort myself out? I kinda just want another pill to knock me out and make dreams disappear... Oh morphine, how I wish we could be together once more! ;) haha. I know you need the dream sleep to recharge, but it just seems that all my sleep is is one huge long very real and exhausting dream :S
I can tell I'm going downhill quickly the past day or two, I DO NOT want to be back in the freakin hospital again, across an ocean from home with no company etc, but the tiredness and stress and stuff isn't going to help with keeping my head above water so to speak.
I'm pretty sure my sats are low?? : my headache is constant and gets worse pretty much whenever i move, i have absolutely no energy, im heavy and breathless and feel drunk half the time - like my words are coming out slurred and stuff cos i dont even have the energy to talk properly, same sortof thing with moving! Would that be about right for having low sats or anyone have any other ideas?
And along with everything, last night after a day of feeling horrendous, I fell asleep at midnight-ish (early for me) only to wake up at 1am and not get back to sleep ALL NIGHT... I couldnt get comfortable at all, was freezing cold even with my jumper and socks on and heater on still, mind was running wild, body couldnt stay still, in particular because of the pain in my legs they wouldnt stay lying flat, at one point I was just kicking around for an hour in tears! Grrr.
Plus I was REALLY thirsty all night which is a worry on the diabetes side...
OK. rant over, i think. Sorry for another boring and depressing health post!
Im just worried and hoping that a) this will calm my mind a bit, and b) i might get a word of advice or reassurance that something isnt very wrong! haha
Loves xx
DREAMS
shit
I am really fighting a losing battle here!
The past week or so I have been having the most realistic and lucid dreams - i can tell i'm dreaming, though i cant wake myself up...
A lot of the time when i do wake up I'm bricking it 'cos they can be really scary though!
But the problem is that they are so real it feels like I'm not getting any sleep at all, I'm so tired but I'm scared to go to sleep because I dont want to dream!
I've tried all the usual advice, sleep routines, warm baths, relaxations etc, but does anyone have any suggestion as to how I can sort myself out? I kinda just want another pill to knock me out and make dreams disappear... Oh morphine, how I wish we could be together once more! ;) haha. I know you need the dream sleep to recharge, but it just seems that all my sleep is is one huge long very real and exhausting dream :S
I can tell I'm going downhill quickly the past day or two, I DO NOT want to be back in the freakin hospital again, across an ocean from home with no company etc, but the tiredness and stress and stuff isn't going to help with keeping my head above water so to speak.
I'm pretty sure my sats are low?? : my headache is constant and gets worse pretty much whenever i move, i have absolutely no energy, im heavy and breathless and feel drunk half the time - like my words are coming out slurred and stuff cos i dont even have the energy to talk properly, same sortof thing with moving! Would that be about right for having low sats or anyone have any other ideas?
And along with everything, last night after a day of feeling horrendous, I fell asleep at midnight-ish (early for me) only to wake up at 1am and not get back to sleep ALL NIGHT... I couldnt get comfortable at all, was freezing cold even with my jumper and socks on and heater on still, mind was running wild, body couldnt stay still, in particular because of the pain in my legs they wouldnt stay lying flat, at one point I was just kicking around for an hour in tears! Grrr.
Plus I was REALLY thirsty all night which is a worry on the diabetes side...
OK. rant over, i think. Sorry for another boring and depressing health post!
Im just worried and hoping that a) this will calm my mind a bit, and b) i might get a word of advice or reassurance that something isnt very wrong! haha
Loves xx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)