Worth It?

The days are passing in a haze of pain and sleeplessness
I've felt worse with the drugs for longer than usual
I detest this place
The sterile smells and lonely room.
I feel like maybe all this isn't worth it. I want to stop.
I wonder what it would be like to just let nature take its course, leave all the chemicals and treatments and exhaustion of having to try so damn hard every day.
I wonder how long I would last?
and then I feel guilty.
SO so guilty.
So many of us are fighting to survive, wishing and praying on new lungs and a new life, and here I am wanting to give up and give in.
I dont think I really deserve much of this help, the money spent on my treatments, medicines, nurses, doctors, room and food.
Im just wasting the oxygen around me. Breathing it in, and using it up when others of you deserve it so much more, WANT it so much more... Im so sorry :S

Hospitals are Never Quiet.

the Loud roar of clean air
it keeps killers inside this room
inside this porridge hued prison cell.
Loud doors swinging SHUT:
welcoming me back into the fold
a little worse today
a little worse this time.

Loudness in bleeps and bells
incessant shrill piercing bells
Another drug forced into my veins
intended to poison the enemy in my lungs
destroying some part of me each time too.
a part forever undiscovered
stripped of life before its time

i know somewhere in this hospital
someone is screaming
someone is crying
a person is dying
their last breath just a whisper
under
the Loud of the place.
I am afraid.

Next could be me.
Or another of us, my own,
this breathless army
We dont know when the next bomb will drop.
Maybe we could fight
Maybe we would make it to shelter
Maybe not

Im just a weak body, weak lungs,
mind weakening
sanity unravelling
ever so slightly.




Ok, so im not a writer. but I think the drugs are addling my brain XD
I like the lines in bold.
I'm sick again.
No more... I hate that complaint is all my blog is :S
I am so weak.