The days are passing in a haze of pain and sleeplessness
I've felt worse with the drugs for longer than usual
I detest this place
The sterile smells and lonely room.
I feel like maybe all this isn't worth it. I want to stop.
I wonder what it would be like to just let nature take its course, leave all the chemicals and treatments and exhaustion of having to try so damn hard every day.
I wonder how long I would last?
and then I feel guilty.
SO so guilty.
So many of us are fighting to survive, wishing and praying on new lungs and a new life, and here I am wanting to give up and give in.
I dont think I really deserve much of this help, the money spent on my treatments, medicines, nurses, doctors, room and food.
Im just wasting the oxygen around me. Breathing it in, and using it up when others of you deserve it so much more, WANT it so much more... Im so sorry :S