Tuesday, June 29, 2010


After being so happy and upbeat today, a few little things have brought me back down to earth with a jolt. Stupid things: When I was cooking lunch, I wanted to test my blood sugar, leaving th estir-fry going I ran towards the stairs, completely forgetting that actually I can hardly walk up stairs any more. Collapsing on the fourth step was one of those bumps. Another time, I saw a daddy long legs fluttering around the bathroom. Armed with tissue I went to boost myself higher up the wall with one foot on the toilet seat - the foot that was on the floor lifted but the supporting leg didn't do a damn thing. Cue me on the floor, having narrowly missed knocking myself out on the sink. Bump.
But overall, enjoyable day. Very happy to be home. My dad came home relatively early from work and we went for a walk on the beach - admittedly only 10 minutes tops, and my lungs burned for an hour after - but it felt amazing to have the sand between my toes again :)

I've thought of a little project for myself!
Another of the new dvds I watched in hospital was "A Single Man", you know, with Colin Firth? It was different to what I expected, deep, but beautiful. A line caught my attention- One character said something (I haven't got my notebook to hand so you'll have to forgive me that this isn't 100%!) like: "Sometimes awful things can have their own kind of beauty."
It made me think. And after several thought trains, I came to the conclusion that I want to do a little project, and find one thing each day in which to appreciate the beauty. I'll take pictures if I can, and try to do it for a month. I'm excited! When you're not in school, are unemployed and have no hope of being able to do a job, you have to create your own ways of keeping busy ;)
Having said that, another little project I'm working on is becoming a volunteer for my local Samaritans hotline. I think I can empathise with the feelings people who call might be having, and I want to feel like I've made a difference to somebody's life.


  1. that sounds like a lovely project :) I've often thought that I should find 1 thing each day to be happy about, even if just something small. I find it's very easy to get sucked into the bad stuff and forget about everything good that's also happening. You may be surprised how nice it will be and I hope you post some pictures of the beautiful things.

    The Samaritans hotline sounds good too chick, good luck with that :) xxx

  2. cool project!!

    I love reading your posts, they always make me feel happy :)

  3. Samaritans hotline sounds like a plan. I might just ring it to have a chat with you! haha! The photo project sounds like a really good idea! I very much look forward to seeing the photos. Ahhh now I want to go to the beach!!!! Sand in sandwiches, sand in your toes... and I've forgotten the rest of that poem. xxx

  4. Both of those sound so sweet! You'll have really good fun with the photo project. I can't wait to see them :D

  5. wow bear, these are such great things to hear.. minus the bumps.. damn those realisations. sand between your toes is definitely worth some lung burn. this is such a genius idea! i can't wait to hear what you come up with each day... i find that whenever i catch something beautiful in the corner of my eye, my fingers twitch for my camera! i think i may start carrying that thing around with me more often than i already do. thinking of you everyday even though we havent spoken in a while. work's a bitch. but cupcakes with you sounds too good for words, keep me posted on when you'd like me round. lymttct bear xxxxx

  6. bear :) i am so happy to hear all of these things, minus the bumps, (damn those realisations). "sometimes awful things can be beautiful"..hmm... that's definitely something to reflect about... for me, it just reminds me of the randomist things around me which I see and then feel the urge to capture on my camera. the twitch my fingers get when something appears in the corner of my eye. this project you're going to take on is so exciting!!! i feel as though I should join you and we should share beautiful things. As for the helpline, well, that's just amazing. You are amazing. don't forget that you are making a difference to people's life all of the time woman. I lymttct, don't forget it!

    p.s. it's good to have you back on the rock xxxx and I wish i could have taken a picture of you with sand between your toes :)