Inked

So today was the day!
I now have my first tattoo. Might be kinda cliche, but it's what I wanted, and kinda needed, so there we go.
Pain - a LOT worse than I expected, though worth it. I was counting on the theory that it feels like "scratching a sunburn", well it was more like he was slowly cutting my foot in half with a razor blade :O
And well to be honest there are some things I'm not so happy about with it, it's slightly wonky in one place and now that I look at it, it seems obvious that when i asked him to put the words in a different order, swapping hope and courage, he just moved the words about but didnt actually change the design so it doesnt flow as well as it should, REALLY nto happy about that! Hopefully it's not too obvious though. And as I said, I'm putting it up to life experience. I'm happy I got it (and very grateful to Jordanna for being my hand to squeeze!)...


Photo time :D






My personal favourite photo face!





End result, tattoo by James at Skin Scene, Jersey. 1hour:



Everyone, including me, seems to be getting unwell at the moment, thinking of you all!
XX

Exhausted

This tiredness is taking over.
I went into town today to get a foot scrubber thingy since my tattoo is tomorrow and I dont want to have manky feet! Wasn't out for long at all and didnt exactly walk far but after having to stand on the bus home and then walk from the bus stop, I was in tears from tiredness by the time I got home. Couldnt breathe or think or move. After what should have been a FIVE FUCKING MINUTE WALK - took me almost 25 minutes by the way. My head is pounding and it feels like a giant is squishing me round the chest. But I don't want to go into hospital, it sounds stupid and i know it's needed... but i really feel i'd rather just get more ill than go in, be alone and have no visitors or food, have to do sodding physio in front of people, have everyone talk to me as if I'm 10 years old...
and i dont trust the nurses at all they only wear gloves probably half the time and ive lost count of the number of occasions I've been given the wrong drugs or wrong doses! I could do better myself if the freakin drugs didnt make me sleep 20 hours a day leaving me unable to actually get up every 6 hours and mix and administer the bastards.
Not really sure what to do?
Sorry for another moany post.



Here's some pictures of what i got today - dress on sale in Oasis £9.00 down from £35, which I've wanted for ages!

It's a bit boring and straight up-and-down when on (except for the extremely obvious belly bloat, eugh) so im gonna try and change it up a bit, somehow.

And I got given such a pretty bag :)

(sitting on my pretty bed. i love my bedroom at dads <3 yay)

And also spent some of my makeup voucher from Xmas, the cream eyeshadow is a lot darker than the photo, like a dusky/bronzey pink, i love it! and that there is a gold eyeliner. Usually my makeup routine consists of moisturiser, lip balm and lots of eyeliner but Ive been getting really into doing different stuff with it recently!


Hope all of you are well... Much love xx

Sunday Driving

So yesterday I had my first driving lesson since about a year ago. And it went... ok?

Well first of all the woman was late, but only by 5 minutes. But when I got in her car it felt like it was going to be great to drive! It's a Fiat 500, pretty much brand-new...perfect for me in that the pedals and steering were BEAUtifully smooth and light, and the gear-stick is raised almost to where the radio controls are on most cars, rather than down by the handbrake, which I found really made things easier... I had been having trouble changing gear before I think just because of my small size and that I'm not "strong" or fit in the first place, and the position my arm had to be into change gears made the muscle feel very weak! So it was nice to have that change in the Fiat 500.
Unfortunately from there my pixie proportions of 4 foot 11 inches tall meant that with the highest dashboard I've ever encountered, I couldnt really see the road! If i strained to strech I could just about see where I was going, but I was secretly using the side mirrors to drive for most of the lesson (shh!) - like checking my position on the road and stuff. The dash was pretty high anyway but along with a high steering wheel and a "hump" right in front of my face in the dash which housed all the speedos etc it became a problem.
Got to remember to take a cushion to sit on next time - or a booster seat! Haha :)
I do think I will try one more lesson with this lady, but she was kind of annoying! At the start of the lesson she insisted on explaining the complete basics to me, even though I explained I have been driving for a year and a half, but I can kind of understand that, I could have been lying I suppose! But once we FINALLY got going she spent probably 95% of the lesson - no exaggeration here - with her hand on the wheel, not guiding it or anything just with it sitting there? And don't forget this is after she has drummed into me that my hands must never leave the "ten and two o clock positions"... Did she expect me to leave my hand under hers, or rest mine on top?! So it was basically a one-handed hour of driving. This driving was also never fast than 20miles an hour as whenever the speedometer crept over the 20 mark she would say all calmly-but-scarily: "and eeeaaase off a little, eeaase off, thats it, eaase off"...it got really infuriating! I know it was my first lesson with her and the island limit is 35mph, but jeeze! I'm sure I'm not that bad a driver and it would have been obvious that I was experienced. As I explained to her, the only reason I need the lessons is to go over reversing and parking as I have never covered that.
Oh! And I only just remembered this but there was a very dodgy incident with a narrow lane, two cyclists (clearly worse for wear after a boozy Sunday lunch) and a family of walkers, plus two cars coming from the opposite direction... She made me try to get through when CLEARLY it was dangerous and never going to happen! I ended up stuck with a kid on one side, car on the other, family of kid behind and cyclist in front, all looking at me very angrily!!
Deary me. But for some reson I have arranged to meet her next Sunday for another lesson?! WTF? She was really sweet though and I didnt want to offend her. And the car was so easy to drive, discounting the height issue!
Should I keep next Sunday's appointment? Or maybe I should ring and use the height problem as an excuse to cancel, try to find someone else? On looking at it when written down it seems like a no-brainer, lol.

ChatRoulette

Does anyone use this site?

I know there has been a lot of talk about using it for laughs around my friends and facebook etc, mainly to do with creepy guys exposing themselves!
But I just read an article in Grazia about it. I was thinking if I did any kind of art it would make a really interesting piece/project... like 60 minutes, 60 users, 60 screenshots, something like that?
But in the Grazia article something really shocked me... It said that there are people who troll on there and have replaced their webcam view with "fake snuff films", ie. someone swinging from a noose or bleeding to death on the floor. And that makes me so happy that I seem to be the only person I know never to have gone on it...because seeing that would
FUCK
ME
UP.
Seriously, when I read that I nearly threw up and I'm kind of shaking. Eughh. Why?!

Has anyone come across something every sinister like that?
XX Goodnight world!

Some Pictures and Things...

So... things still aren't great.
But I've been very busy this week! Unfortunately not very social, still a hermit!
But Ive been to the dentist - and dear me was it horrific! I was meant to be getting the toothypegs whitened! As they are something I am really concious of like my bloated belly. But I ended up have instead: FIFTEEN (15!!) injections in my poor gummies!! 4 fillings and 5 enamel replacements! Damn you fruit addiction, you wreak havoc on my enamel :(
But at least that's all sorted now.
After the dentist - and a good hour of walking around town, covering my mouth if i had to speak to anyone since i noticed i looked like i had super-gravity on my face - it was time for the hairdressers and I went to a different place than normal as they had an offer of free colour with any cut and blowdry, obviously with a junior but it still went pretty well! I have gone a few shades darker, not quite to the black i used to have but a dark brown... The only thing was the girl was really messy and my hairline and ears are very stained! :( And also, I'm pretty sure once it fades (i only got a semi-permanent tint this time) its going to be red-ish which i asked the, to make sure it wouldnt, but it does seem to have red tones in.
Oh, and about 5 minutes into the appointment the girl asked me how old i was, and literally spent the entire time after that exclaiming "Thats crazy! you look about 13, 14 at most! I dont believe you! You are NOT 18! you know i would still colour your hair if you were under 18, you dont have to lie!" etcetc... I was imagining giving her a good smack! I dont mind a quick word of surprise but this was literally a constant hour and a half of saying i looked like I was in year 8 or 9, I got so pissed off. And the thing was she was only 19 herself, surely she would have realised that I probably wouldnt be comfortable with it? In the end i said a few times "ohh, yeah, i hate it, people always go on about it..." quite pointedly, but she still didnt get the hint. Grr!

So here is the new look... Plus my i <3 zombies tshirt :D love it




And... next change...



Ouch! I *hope* this kinda suits me. But it's what i wanted, well actually I wanted my lip done and have since I was 13 (stupidly did it myself at 15 only to have mother force it out a day later), but my teeth are such a mess already i dont want to risk them being damaged at all more! So my little (well, quite big lol) blue sparkly is now settling into my nose. It freakin hurt for an hour afterwards but now i cant feel a thing!! :D though the hook inside is HEE-UGE and so noticeable from the slightest angle! But 6-8 weeks and i can get something a little more discreet :)


Oh, and a picture or two from the last week or two. Enjoy XX


^ My new owl doorstop :D i love owls! Isn't he cute? He needs a name though. Suggestions on a postcard please...



a genuine Jersey cow <3

Lovelies...

Do any of you UK-dwellers happen to live near somewhere that still has this in stock?
Urban Decay Alice in Wonderland Book of Shadows;


Nowhere on the island does it, its sold out online, and i CRAVE it.
If you want you can get it for me and send it ok :)

Love xx

Opinions please?

Just a quickie, if I were to take my jewellery-making and go further with it, eventually hopefully selling pieces, I need name ideas please!

At the mo I'm thinking just keep it simple with some version of "Lauren Alexandra Design" or "Lauren Alex Jewellery"... thoughts? My reasoning is that this would be more flexible than a name which would completely confine me to one style of jewellery, though i dont really know how to explain what i mean?!
Also any random contributions to my melting pot would be appreciated, ta :)
My general style would probably involve silver, copper, and glass... less of the kitsch plastic type jewellery that i love for myself, just mainly because i'd rather be as creative as possible as opposed to minimal stringing of charms onto chain or glueing components together...

Much love.

(Oh and my middle name is Alexandra, it's not out-of-the-blue!)

Going slightly bonkers?

(well i would be worried but im pretty sure i'm a confirmed nutcase!)

DREAMS
shit

I am really fighting a losing battle here!
The past week or so I have been having the most realistic and lucid dreams - i can tell i'm dreaming, though i cant wake myself up...
A lot of the time when i do wake up I'm bricking it 'cos they can be really scary though!
But the problem is that they are so real it feels like I'm not getting any sleep at all, I'm so tired but I'm scared to go to sleep because I dont want to dream!
I've tried all the usual advice, sleep routines, warm baths, relaxations etc, but does anyone have any suggestion as to how I can sort myself out? I kinda just want another pill to knock me out and make dreams disappear... Oh morphine, how I wish we could be together once more! ;) haha. I know you need the dream sleep to recharge, but it just seems that all my sleep is is one huge long very real and exhausting dream :S

I can tell I'm going downhill quickly the past day or two, I DO NOT want to be back in the freakin hospital again, across an ocean from home with no company etc, but the tiredness and stress and stuff isn't going to help with keeping my head above water so to speak.
I'm pretty sure my sats are low?? : my headache is constant and gets worse pretty much whenever i move, i have absolutely no energy, im heavy and breathless and feel drunk half the time - like my words are coming out slurred and stuff cos i dont even have the energy to talk properly, same sortof thing with moving! Would that be about right for having low sats or anyone have any other ideas?

And along with everything, last night after a day of feeling horrendous, I fell asleep at midnight-ish (early for me) only to wake up at 1am and not get back to sleep ALL NIGHT... I couldnt get comfortable at all, was freezing cold even with my jumper and socks on and heater on still, mind was running wild, body couldnt stay still, in particular because of the pain in my legs they wouldnt stay lying flat, at one point I was just kicking around for an hour in tears! Grrr.
Plus I was REALLY thirsty all night which is a worry on the diabetes side...


OK. rant over, i think. Sorry for another boring and depressing health post!
Im just worried and hoping that a) this will calm my mind a bit, and b) i might get a word of advice or reassurance that something isnt very wrong! haha

Loves xx

Late Sunday photos.

On Friday I had a looong chatty lunch at a beach cafe called the Hungry Man at a little bay called Rozel with one of my bestest friends India.
It was pretty :)



i want to buy a boat and sail away.


Last night I managed 45 mins at a Glitter themed party, I wore a plain black dress with glittery tights and eye makeup...i own no sequinned or glittery clothes...
But i was in agony with my bones and couldnt hack it, so another let down of a night!
But here's me and the birthday girl :)

On the upside, I managed to put on falsh eyelashes for the first time ever :O
lol
They were pre-glued which i think helped, stickier than usual glue!


I dont think i can say much else right now. Things are pretty damn shit and im struggling! A Lot!
Im lonely and feel ill, and my family is so fucked up, and im so stuck and confused with money and home, and i feel ugly and just so low, i dont want any of it any more, i cant cope.
any suggestions?!
:S

Hope everyone else is getting on okay.
XX

GAAAAAAAHHHH

i can't even type right now i am just so fucked up in my crappy brain :S
ignore this
and i'll try to write something that someone might comprehend soon

SHIT SHIT

I take it back-

My Feet Are Fucking Killing Me!!
Arghh!

ohhh haha this is not cool. oh well i had fun :)

To be honest by the time i got to the party I wasnt expecting to have fun at all, and it ended up being in her garage and it was freezing! Although looked pretty cool cos her dad had put up loads of UV lights and projectors with cool stuff :O
I was wearing my army boots at this point may I add.
Basically me and two other girls were sitting on the side of things and not really fitting in, plus we were tired, so we ended up leaving around half 9, and Daisy drove is in Vanessa, her awesome new but old van :)
They were just going to drop me home but somehow I ended up finding out that my best friends were all heading into town at that point to I got dropped at Wildfire...first time Ive been into town, used my ID etc! exciting stuff.
When i was putting on more make-up in the loos the girlsw realised i had my heels in my bag and made me put them on! Which i am quite happy about cos I was still short. Had a couple of cider and blacks bought for me, then moved onto Champions whicdh closed really early and then Chambers where I got bought more drinks which is always fun :)
Because people hadnt seen me for so long they were all like :O IM BUYING FOR YOU! haha
Was planning on getting a taxi home with India at closing around 2 but starting lagging around half 12 and dad ended up coming to get me.
And it was actually really nice!
But fuck me im already paying for it now, for some reason my chest is really tight and im breathless like mad though of course it wasnt smoky. Towards the end i was coughing quite a scum cough which of course attracted lots of attention :/

But yeah. enjoyment.

meds and bed now, i usually sleep from 3am-1pm anyway so who knows when i'll manage to get myself outta bed tomorrow!be some pictures.
i'll try :)
much love.











Just chilling with Two and a Half Men and Fizzy Fish sweeties :)